soc 25-09-23
Being able to handle your emotions to at least some degree is the most important thing to be successful in what you want to do. What we perceive is not real. I'm not saying it does not exist, but it is not real. Every observation we make about the world around us will always be made through a filter. This filter does a couple of things:
- It subtracts everything that we do not need to see, everything that our brain deems unimportant. If you drive your car and look at the road you will mostly see what is important for your survival: Other cars, road signs, traffic lights, sudden movements on the side of the road. But there is much more there. Do that experiment that next time you drive, take a look at the side of the rode. There are flowers there you did not see the first time you looked. A piece of trash maybe. A bird. You were not aware of all of those, they were not part of the reality you constructed. Yet, they were there. Your brain created a simplified version of the world in order to help you succeed in the task of driving. And it's good that it did that, because if it didn't you'd be overwhelmed by all the information and might die because you were thinking about what the pretty flowers were named again while drifting off the road. This happens all the time, with whatever we do and on more complex scales than just the road.
- I classifies the things that we see. We're out alone late at night and have to go through an underpass. As we enter, we see another person come towards us in the opposite direction. The are big, have a grim look on their face, hands in their pocket, walking fast and constantly looking at us. Our brain perceives danger. Objectively looking, there is just another human there that looks grim. It might be that they look at us the whole time because they're just as concerned as we are, but we made a judgement and act according to that. Maybe we turn around, maybe we start to prepare for a situation which would involve a robbery or fighting.
I think both of these filters are always at work and it's really helpful to remember this. This means that
- What we see is not the complete picture, there is always something missing
- What we see is always just our interpretation of what we see
Coming back to emotions: I also think that both, but especially the second filter is strongly influenced by our emotions. If we go into the underpass already scared, we're much more likely to perceive the other person as a robber. If we go in already angry, we're much more likely to interpret them as someone who is looking for a fight. If we're going in with a great mood, we might just see them as someone with a grim look. We might even emphasize with them, wondering what happened to make them look so concerned.
Looking at the three possibilities lined out above, scared, angry and happy, which one will likely move the situation to a more beneficial outcome? At this point, the metaphor starts to limp a bit, but if you can ignore that for a bit, the point I'm trying to make will still be worthwhile. Since it's limping already anyways, I'll just exaggerate. The scared path might lead to us turning around, causing our way to take longer than it needs to. The angry path might lead to an actual fight that we might even initiate. The happy path might lead to use just walking past them. It might even lead to human connection.
The point I'm trying to make is: Every situation will always have a better outcome if our second filter is not adjusted by bad emotions.
That's why being able to handle your emotions is so important. Fear and anger make bad decisions. Note that I use handle, not control here. I don't think you can control emotions. You can control how you react to your emotions, and that you should definitely learn.
I also think its important to feel your emotions. Most negative emotions don't last to long when you give yourself permission to feel them and see where they are coming from anyways.
But then there are emotions that last for quite a while. When I'm in a depression, the anxiety I feel is not going away just by feeling it. In this case, handling means being aware. Trying not to make big decisions while feeling that way. Picking what you want to work on that day to make sure its not affected by your emotional state.
First draft. Had one of the anxious days yesterday, not sure if today is one as well. Not enough day has passed yet to know. Should revisit this in a couple of days to see how my filter was at work when writing this and what things I missed and did not see.